All my loneliness
by Hawking a.k.a. Fruey
Summary: It's a birthday gift to Hotohori.... it's about when he was younger.. long before he met up with a certien group of celestal warriors... even before he was an Emperor ^_^


"Mother look!" I shouted running to her to share the wonder of my great discovery. as I ran   
past those men and women that followed her around I noticed a sad or disgusted look on their  
face, but I didn't care.  
  
I finally reached her, I grabbed a hold of her hand and started to pull her "Come, see!!" I   
was so excited, she finally followed me to a small patch of flowers, her face was warm and   
bright.  
  
"Look at how small they are!" I leaned down on my knees, it was required to even begin to   
see the small flowers.  
  
I looked back up at her and all the warmth that was once there was replaced with anger and   
disgust, she leaned down and pulled me up by my arm.  
  
She leaned down close to me and quietly spoke "Saihitei, an Emperor wouldn't sit in the mud   
like an animal" her voice was cold, very cold "..What are you going to be?"  
  
It took a minute for the words to come but finally they did "Emperor?" I said in a whisper,   
she smiled for a minute but then returned to her cold expression "And what were you just   
doing?"  
  
My arm was become soar from the pressure her hand was creating, I had then realized what   
she was mad about "I won't do it again." again in a voice so quiet.  
  
She released my arm and stood tall "Good.." her warm returned "...You will be Emperor, and   
the best Emperor ever" she started off with the people she had been with, leaving me alone.  
  
As soon as she was out of site I ran the other way, ever since my father had passed away   
she was determined to make me Emperor.  
  
I don't want to be an Emperor, I just want to be normal, to have the loving and care other   
children receive from their parents.  
  
I ran until I came to a large tree, I sat on the side that was next to the river, the tree   
provided cover for me, no one could see me sit there, no one could see my tears.  
  
She has been becoming more and more like this, every day I see that cold expression coming   
from her, and it always, always is directed at me.  
  
I'm just a puppet of hers, a mer toy for her to manipulate and do with as she pleases, I can  
't do anything to stop her either.  
  
I look into the river, my reflection shows that of the me everyone sees, the beautiful   
face, the perfect face, the one everybody loves to see, but never talk to, or touch.  
  
Like a glass doll on a rack, you may look but not play with, always with those stupid   
teachers, must I really know all of that.  
  
My mothers words again come back from a previous day when I asked... "..Of course, all   
Emperor's should!".. an Emperor should know... but I won't be one... it's pointless, it's   
not like I can talk to anyone, or have fun!.  
  
Oh, she made sure of that, always studying, and training... the only part of it I like is   
my sword fighting, it's the only way to rid myself of the anger I feel, but how do I cure   
all the loneliness?  
  
I don't know how long I sat there by the river, hiding behind the tree, on the soft moss   
that grew beside the tree.  
  
I looked at the sky and the sun that once illuminated the world with it's bright rays was   
now gone, the moon was raising high.  
  
I hopped to my feet and started to move, I took one last look at the reflection in the lake,  
when I heard a strange sound not far.  
  
I was trying to find a way to stay out longer anyway so I dashed towards the noise, Soon I   
came to a open field, the land was strange and unfamiliar to me.  
  
I saw something moving towards me, but it soon ducked down into the tall grass, I strained   
to see what it was but I couldn't.  
  
I moved slowly and cautiously towards it, I could hear it as I came close, it was breathing   
rather heavily, and hadn't moved from where it ducked down to.  
  
I finally reached it, it was covered in strange cloth, dark colored cloth, I reached down   
towards it, although my instincts told me not to, something inside me wanted to find out,   
to know what it was.  
  
My hand reached part of it and I begun to pull it back, but it jumped up, I fell backwards   
and landed on the ground.  
  
As soon as it was standing, I found it was human shaped, it looked at me with eyes full of   
anger and fear, then after it finished looking at me for a while it fell back in front of   
me.  
  
I crawled close to it and being only a child again pulled at the strange cloth, I saw a   
face, a human face, it was a covered in blood and dirt and other things I needn't know   
about.  
  
It's eyes rolled up at me and stopped, starring at me "What's a girl like you doing out   
here so late?... doncha know it's dangerous?"  
  
I must say I was furious, no one had ever called me a girl before, my face stiffened and I   
stood up and looked down at them "I am no girl!" I told them sternly  
  
They begun to laugh but soon it was replaced with a foul coughing, I don't know why exactly   
but I felt so sorry for them  
  
Why was it they were so hurt?... "You shouldn't laugh when your hurt like that..." I said   
leaning down to them.  
  
They looked up at me their eyes had a small gleam in them and they smiled "It won't matter   
anyway... it's not like I've got much time anyway.. they're almost here... why don't you go   
home before they decided ta kill you too"  
  
What? Kill?... no one would dare try anything agents me?! I will be the Emperor! I grabbed   
their shoulder "Get up then.. if you stay there you'll be killed if what you say is true!   
come on!" I tried to pull them but they were bigger then me  
  
I felt a strange strength grow inside me as I actually moved them along, their eyes grew   
very large, I didn't care though.. if they really were going to be killed I wouldn't let   
it happen.. not until I find out what this is about.  
  
I head for a small cave, hidden by the moss, rocks and trees along the river, it is well   
hidden and I'm positive I am the only one to visit it.  
  
We finally reach it and I make sure that our tracks are covered well, then I look at them   
"You need help.." they smiled and nodded "Yes, but not from a kid like you.. your obviously   
around for better purposes then to help someone like me"  
  
"Why do you say that?" it must be the damn outfit, the way my hair is set, everyone always   
judges people by the way they look, never by who they are  
  
"Your symbol... your destined for greater things then this... you are a great warrior.."   
their smile grew "..Even if you do look like a girl!"   
  
I didn't care to be called a girl but I showed them a kind smile, after all they had   
obviously been hurt, and even could be dying, I might as well keep them company until it   
happens  
  
I walked towards the entrance of the cave "I shall return" I said softly but I know they   
heard my words, I ripped a piece off of the infernal outfit of mine and dipped it into the   
cool water, as I did so I looked at my reflection  
  
My hair was all out of place, I had dirt here and there, my outfit was now ripped... and I   
didn't care, I made my way back into the cave and over to the strange one, I pulled at the   
cloth on their head and used the damp piece of what used to be a piece of my outfit on their  
face  
  
Wiping away so much of the blood and dirt, I noticed they had very odd looking Green eyes,   
only once before in my life had a seen a green that deep, out in the ocean  
  
I smiled "You have such strange eyes" I couldn't help but comment, they pulled back away   
from me, closing their eyes "Everyone says that" I set the cloth down and looked at it "I   
wish mine were like it.."  
  
I could feel them looking at me.. I could always tell when someone was looking at me, which   
was almost all the time  
  
"No you don't... it's nothing but trouble!" they sounded mad "But I do!" I looked at them   
"It's the most beautiful color I've ever seen! like the ocean... beautiful, powerful and   
goes where ever it pleases..."   
  
They snickered "Maybe you do... but still..." I moved back closer to them and continued to   
wipe away the mess on their face "Are you hurt bad?... it looks that way" they nodded   
"Yeah.. but I'll live... at least for now"  
  
They moved a hand out of the mess of cloth and grabbed mine, pulling it away from their face  
"You seem nice but really... go home, your mother is probably worried sick about you"  
  
"..Maybe if she is it's only because of an image... she couldn't care less about me.." it   
was true, she wanted me to be an Emperor and that's it, the only reason she even looked at   
me talked to me, did anything with me.. was because of it  
  
"Sorry to hear that... mine loved me very much... but we had problems and...." I could see   
tears starting to form in their eyes, but they held them back "It's okay, everyone has a   
time in which they leave this world, and it was hers"  
  
They sat up and shoved me back I hit the floor with a loud *thud* "Ow..." I looked up at   
them and saw a mess of cloth fly passed me.   
  
They sat back down now wearing a pair of odd pants and a shirt of sorts blood was all over   
them, their feet were bare, and in their hands was a small bag, they looked like they   
weren't that much older then I was  
  
I looked at the discarded cloth, it looked like it was beyond use, then back at them, they   
were digging into the bag and pulled out a small crystal ball, they handed it to me   
"Here... take it"  
  
I shook my head "I have no need of it" they laughed and again started coughing "It's not   
for you to keep Baka! I just wanted to show you" I reached for it and held it  
  
It was so pretty looking and as I stared at it I saw my reflection, the way I looked now,   
not as an emperor to be, but as me, and I smiled.  
  
"You like to look in the mirror a lot ne?" they asked and nudged my arm, I smiled back at   
them "I like to see what I look like... mother says I must keep up my appearance."  
  
They leaned closer to me "Really?... that's funny.. she sounds like a slave driver!" they   
reached and touched my hair "It's so soft..." they commented and laughed before falling   
back over "Great I've just met you and already sounding like you!"  
  
I laughed to, it was funny, they looked at me again "My name is Raikki... and you are?"   
"Saihitei" I casually said, they probably will know who I am by now if they already didn't  
  
"That's a nice name.. and your a boy?" they sounded serious, I nodded "And you are boy as   
well?" I asked, curious, I had no clue what they were, I hope I got it right and wasn't   
insulting them.  
  
"Yep! and one serious bad ass too!" I laughed again "Your very confident in yourself" he   
nodded and chuckled "Thank you for all the help Saihitei, I shall never forget it, and   
hopefully repay you for it"  
  
"You needn't repay me for anything" he took my hands in his "No I really need to! I was   
raised to do so and I will... what do you want in return?... if you don't know now I'll   
wait!"  
  
I smiled "Will you stay here until your better?" "Is that what you want?!" I nodded he let   
go of my hands "Saihitei your too nice..."   
  
"You know... there is a river right out there if you wanted to get cleaned up later... or   
whenever you wanted..." I looked outside and saw the sun starting to rise "Ah... it can't   
be morning already!" I shouted.  
  
He giggled "What do you melt in the sun Saihitei?" I turned and looked at him, I couldn't   
get a smile on my face, Mother would surely be mad at me if I'm gone "I apologize but I   
must go..." I stood up and headed towards the entrance "Remember you have to stay here   
until your all better Raikki!"  
  
"Don't worry I will!" he said waving to me, I smiled back at him then ran as fast as I   
could to reach home before it became to late in the morning  
  
I finally reached home and ran into my room, the servants were going crazy, one ran up to   
me practically crying "Saihitei-sama what happened to you?" "I went out for a bit" they   
pulled me over into my room and quickly got me a new outfit "Please don't disappear again.."   
  
It wasn't long before I was again dressed up in all those fancy clothes, my hair was all up   
in place and I was clean again.  
  
I couldn't wait for nightfall, when I could return to the cave and to Raikki, he was older   
then I but closer to my age then anyone else I know, he was honest and nice, something no   
one else is around here.  
  
Evening came very slowly, I had snuck into the cooking area and snagged a small bag of food   
then I made my way to where they kept cloth, I took some of it and packed it away  
  
The last stop was where they kept the healing supplies, I took a bunch of them not really   
knowing what did what, and then headed back to the cave.  
  
I came to the entrance and ran in, "Raikki!!" I shouted with excitement, as I reached the   
inside of it I found Raikki was nowhere to be seen, the pile of dirty cloth still laid   
there but aside form it nothing.  
  
I dropped everything I had carried "Raikki..." I soon sank down to the ground along with   
the bag, Raikki was gone, I started to cry, the only friend I had gone, left and I don't   
know where to.  
  
"Saihitei?" I heard from behind me, followed by fast footsteps "Saihitei are you alright!?"   
he ran next to me dressed only in his strange pants, they were clean, his hair was dripping   
wet and he knelt down next to me  
  
"Saihitei are you hurt?" I shook my head "I thought you had gone for good.." as I looked at   
him, I noticed a very strange cut riding along his abdomen all the way to his chest  
  
He smiled at me "Well I said I'd stay for a while and I will... I keep my word" "Raikki..."   
I pointed at the cut, it wasn't bleeding, but it looked as though it could at any moment,   
he looked down "oh ... that.. it's nothing"  
  
I smiled and pulled the bag I had brought "Raikki I brought you some things.. I'm not sure   
exactly what all of it is but I thought it might help!"  
  
He took the bag and dug through it "Wow..." he said while looking at the cloth "..This must   
cost a lot..." he rubbed it to his face "..It's so soft.. and I can have it?" I nodded  
  
"Thank you Saihitei" he pulled outs some of the food and handed it to me "have some then" I   
only stared at him, he pulled out more and started eating "Aren't you hungry? you must have   
ran a long while to get here because no one is out here!"  
  
I nodded "Yes it does take a while... but I had something before I came here" he shrugged   
"You could have more..."  
  
I smiled again, Raikki was so strange "Raikki?" he was in the midst of eating most   
everything I packed "Hm?"  
  
"Raikki why does someone want you to be killed?" he stopped eating and set the food down,   
his smile was gone as he looked at me "They say I have strange eyes..." "And?" I asked,   
what was wrong with strange eyes?  
  
"Saihitei... my mother was very nice but my father..." he looked me in the eyes "..wasn't   
even human they say... supposedly he was a demon, and they believe I am one as well"  
  
I just stared at him "They think your a demon?!!" he nodded sadly "Yes" I scooted closer to   
him and held his hand "It's okay.. I don't think your a demon... and even if you are your   
still my friend"  
  
He looked at my hand and his and smiled "Is this true?" I nodded "Well thank you Emperor   
Saihitei" he nudged me and laughed  
  
He pointed at me "Your face is white!!" he started to laugh again "Are you making fun of me   
Raikki!?!" I stood up and looked down at him  
  
He shook his head "No I was just teasing you a bit.... I know who you are Saihitei, and   
being the future Emperor of Konan means nothing to our friendship, you are you and I am me"   
I smiled and sat back down with him  
  
"Your right Raikki... we can be who we want to be... I am not an Emperor to be.." "..And I   
am not a demon" we looked at each other and smiled  
  
I reached over to him and hit his hair, it was such a light color, like the sun in the sky   
"Your wet" I commented, he smiled evilly, and grabbed my hand then ran outside to the river  
  
"Raikki what are you doing!?" I screamed as he leaped into the cold water, I quickly popped  
my head out of it and took a deep breath before turning to face him  
  
He laughed "Now who's all wet?" "ARG!!" I screamed and hit the water towards him, he ducked   
back into the water but popped up again and splashed it at me "Got ya!!"  
  
Soon we were in a mini water war, the fight went on and on, until I noticed the moon was   
two thirds the way down "Raikki we have to stop!" I said and rushed out of the water, he   
followed  
  
We both went and got all dried off, he was smiling so evilly still "You look like a demon   
with that smile" I said still trying to get the water from my hair  
  
He laughed "Probably!.. Saihitei do you need to return home soon?" I nodded and all too   
soon it was time to leave, we waved and said our good bye's.  
  
I reached home earlier then before and was unnoticed, I slipped into bed and fell asleep,   
the next day passe by so fast I didn't even notice, I waited until the right time and again   
headed to meet my friend.  
  
This time he was in fact inside of the cave, he had sowed a new outfit.. it looked just the   
like first on only made from the materials I gave him  
  
"I brought you more food Raikki!" I dropped the bag next to him, he smiled "No Saihitei, I   
brought you some" he showed me some kind of strange meat, it had been cooked "You didn't   
have to" I said quietly but he nodded "Yes I did.. now we can eat together!"  
  
And so we spent the next few weeks talking, playing and doing so much together during the   
nights, at first it was hard to keep awake for my tasks in the day and to be able to stay   
up with Raikki at night but I got used to it  
  
But one evening was different, we had been walking around talking, I even found flowers   
like those I had once shown my mother, he loved them.  
  
We both sat there looking at them, I picked one and handed it to him "Here Raikki!" I heard   
a strange snapping noise from behind us, Raikki's face changed a pale color as we both   
turned to see what it was.  
  
There three full grown men stood, all armed with some weapon or another starring down at   
us, they were dirty and smelly and they had a strange look in their eyes "Raikki where have   
you been?" one asked with a eerie smile   
  
Raikki started to back up, the man reach down passed me and grabbed Raikki's hair, giving   
in a firm tug he brought Raikki right before him  
  
Another of them stepped closer to Raikki "Raikki you shouldn't have stolen form us... it's   
bad" he smiled like the first man "..Bad for you that is" they all started laughing  
  
I ran for the one who had Raikki's hair and bit his hand, he did let go of Raikki, they   
stopped laughing and looked down at me "Who's this? a friend.. she's cute" the second one   
started to reach for me but I jumped back and out of the way  
  
"Go away!" I screamed at them, Raikki was sitting up rubbing his head, the first man   
stepped closer to me, I glared at him, which didn't seem to do much, but I tried  
  
Raikki stood up and stepped in between me and the men "Don't you dare touch him, or I'll   
kill you all!" they laughed and readied their weapons  
  
"I don't think so kid" with that they all lunged forward and attacked, Raikki grabbed me   
and hopped to a near by tree "Saihitei please stay put" he said then leaped back at the men.  
  
He managed to hit of them in the face, they went down as soon as he touched them, but   
while he did that another hit him in the head knocking him to the ground as well  
  
"Raikki get up!!" I shouted, Raikki wasn't getting up though, one of the other men walked   
over to his fallen comrade "He's dead" the other growled and kicked Raikki before picking   
him up "Damn brat"  
  
I ran for them, ready to battle, ready to save my friend, for our friendship meant more   
then the world to me, I reached them and felt that strange surge rush through my body as I   
attacked them  
  
It all happened so quickly, but soon I found myself sitting next to Raikki, all three of   
the men were dead, I held Raikki's head "Get up Raikki.. Get up!!.. Please get up!!" I   
started to cry again, what if Raikki wasn't going to get up?  
  
Raikki opened his eyes and looked at me "You want to wake the whole world?" he mumbled I   
smiled and hugged him "If it will get you up then yes"  
  
He laughed and sat up, looking around "Saihitei.. you did that?" I nodded, he smiled "I'm   
glad you can take care of yourself" I laughed "You mean unlike some people?" he laughed as   
well and gently hit my arm   
  
"Are you making fun of me?" he said trying to sound like I did when we had first met. we   
both laughed "I'm glad your okay Raikki" "And I you Saihitei" we both stood up and started   
on our way  
  
"Raikki" a strange voice called, we both stopped and turned around, something about the   
voice was strange, it sent a chill all the way up my spine, something about it was off  
  
We both looked around to see nothing, "Be careful" he said I nodded "You too" we went back   
to the cave, I noticed it was almost time to leave, but when I got up to leave he stopped   
me   
  
"Someone or something is out there Saihitei, stay here please... I know your mother would   
be mad but you must take care.. if you go out there who knows what will happen"  
  
I sat down next to him "Your right.. I'll stay" he smiled with relief, and so I we talked   
some, I was always tired, ever since I met Raikki I had been, staying up so long, I fell   
asleep very quickly.  
  
It was not too long later I heard that voice again, I immediately got up and looked around   
"Raikki!!" as I looked at the entrance to the cave I saw a strange glowing man walking   
around, and I saw Raikki walking towards the man  
  
"RAIKKI!!" I screamed and ran to my friend, Raikki ignored me, as I caught up with him I   
noticed that the green in his eyes had covered the white in it  
  
"Raikki was wrong?" he only continued to walk until he had reached the other man, the   
strange glowing man reached down and pulled Raikki away from me  
  
I kicked him in the leg "Give Raikki back!!" tears fell from my eyes as I tried to get him   
to let go, he only looked down at me "It's time for him to come... you have a different way   
then he" that was all he said before turning to leave  
  
I again felt the surge build up in my body as I charged the strange glowing man "GIVE BACK   
RAIKKI!!!!" he seemed unaffected be it, but still I tried  
  
Raikki's eyes turned back to normal as he looked at me "Saihitei..." his hand reached down   
for mine "Saihitei... help me..." his voice was no more then a whisper  
  
"Raikki!!" I reached for his hand but the man kicked me and continued on his way, out of   
nowhere a strange bright light opened in front of them, it was so bright, almost blinding  
  
"Raikki!!" I jumped to reach my friend but the man leaped into the light and was gone, I   
hit the ground and looked all around "Raikki?.. RAIKKI!!!!?!?!?" they were gone, I ran up   
and down the whole forest searching for them.  
  
I never noticed the day came and went then came once again before I found myself back at   
the cave, I walked to Raikki's old pile of cloth and picked it up "Raikki.." it crumbled   
into dust right in my hands, I sat and the floor and cried, but this time Raikki never came   
to see what it was about  
  
Raikki never came at all....  
  
  
I grew up to be the best Emperor they had ever seen, Mother died when I was still a young   
man, and thus I still ruled alone...  
  
When I heard about the seven warriors of Suzaku and found that I was one of them because of   
the symbol on my neck I realized what Raikki was talking about long ago.  
  
And I knew that this Priestess of Suzaku would come and save me from all the loneliness I   
feel... the way Raikki did  
  
Even if he was or was not a demon, even though I did become the Emperor of Konan, we were   
friends no matter what, and always will be.  
  
************************************************************************************  
Oh Sniffle!! I loved making this... It's for Hotohori's birthday that I finally finished   
it... it's something I felt needed to be made, for the Emperor isn't the only one who feels   
lonely at times.  
It's always good to have a friend, but sometimes people can think of you as something of a  
doll... be quiet and look pretty... I felt like that enough times before and so I can   
relate to what he goes through... or at least that's what I think.  
Reviews are very appreciated... and happy birthday Hotohori!   
  
  



End file.
